


you are my sadness and my hope (but mostly you're my love)

by ofcomputernerdsandsoufflegirls



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Confessions, Cuddles, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Sort Of, They're all just tired, feeling a lot of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29954988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofcomputernerdsandsoufflegirls/pseuds/ofcomputernerdsandsoufflegirls
Summary: Whenever Rey looks at Poe, she’s just reminded about everything she can’t have, what the Jedi forbids her to have.When Poe first set eyes on Rey, she filled him with a hope he didn’t think was possible at the time.(And somehow, they manage to confess their feelings at the end of it all.)
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	you are my sadness and my hope (but mostly you're my love)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! 
> 
> this fic was mainly inspired by the quote from wandavision ep.9 'you are my sadness and my hope. but mostly you're my love' and as you can tell is the title of this fic! 
> 
> please enjoy and please don't judge me too hard (i only wrote this in a day and didn't edit but maybe i'll go back and edit it? we shall see)

Whenever Rey looks at Poe, she’s just reminded about everything she can’t have, what the Jedi forbids her to have. 

Poe has a family; Kes is waiting for him to come home on Yavin 4. Poe has a bunch of friends - Snap, Kare, Iolo, Yolo, Jessika, and Suralinda - and a bunch of others she doesn’t know the names of. He’s the center of attention in the Resistance, everyone loves him and wants to be with him. 

She on the other hand, she’s just a desert rat from the middle of nowhere, with no family to turn to as they abandoned her to fend for herself. (She knows the real reason now, months after the war has ended but it still doesn’t hurt any less) She only has BB-8, Chewbacca, Rose, and Finn, and Poe himself, but it still pales in comparison to the number of people that he knows and is friends with. And lastly, she knows that she’s the center of attention in the Resistance in a different way; she’s the Jedi that everyone fears and admires, the one person they deem as untouchable. 

Whenever Rey looks at Poe, a sadness always creeps over her because she wants what Poe has, all this love from everything and everyone, and she wants to be loved by him - not the friendship type of love but something more, deeper than friendship - but with the Jedi’s rulings, she can’t have that. She isn’t supposed to have attachments. She’s not even sure she could even fit into his life like that because hers isn’t up to par with his, not filled with the same life experiences or societal standings that he has. 

She can’t have the love she dreams about with him, the one where he holds her close and never wanting to let her go, the one where he kisses her softly and fiercely all at once. The one where they live together on a planet that’s full of green and they have a house all to themselves with children running around one day. (And those are the dreams that keep her going through the night, when the nightmares of Palpatine and Kylo Ren return to haunt her) 

She can’t have that because she is a Jedi, haunted by ghosts past and future that don’t want to leave, reminding her of the path she must take regardless of her hesitance towards it all. So because of all that business, she can’t say a word to Poe about how she feels despite how desperately she burns with the words inside of her. 

And that makes looking at Poe Dameron fill her with a sadness she thought that wasn’t possible after leaving Jakku. 

\---

When Poe first set eyes on Rey, she filled him with a hope he didn’t think was possible at the time. They were being outmanned and outgunned, the First Order tearing them to shreds and then there she was, appearing out of nowhere with the Millenium Falcon in tow and lifting up rocks with a halo shining right behind her. 

She saved them and continued to save them over and over again, inspiring them to keep fighting. Inspiring him to keep fighting despite all the horror that he’s seen. She saved him from drowning in the grief of losing his friends - a bad decision that resulted in the loss of people and Admiral Holdo - by holding him tight and regaling him with stories of the universe that she’s heard from the old women on Jakku, stories that he thought were long gone when Shara Bey passed years ago. 

Rey is like the sun, Poe muses, and it’s fitting because whenever she smiles, it’s like pure sunshine. 

She gives him hope that one day that all the terrors of war can just disappear; realistically he knows that isn’t true, they’ll always live with him always and manifest themselves in different ways, but being next to Rey makes him feel like they don’t matter as much, that the war will actually stay in the past and not reappear in the future, calling up everyone in the Resistance to fight once more. They’ve all seen and given so much for a lifetime; they all deserve peace. Rey reminds him that he is deserving of that peace. She gives him the hope that maybe he can live up to Leia’s expectations, that really truly being himself is what he can do to live up to Leia’s legacy. 

She gives him the hope that maybe the way he looks at her can be reciprocated, that he can love her the way she deserves to be loved. That he can give her everything that she dreamed of and more. 

Rey Skywalker is the embodiment of hope to Poe whenever he looks at her and she makes him want to do everything in his power so he can stand next to her, just to see her smile at him. 

\--- 

It happens by accident. 

Her feelings for him end up slipping out one day when they’re both exhausted from long meetings and constant arguing from government officials about what the future of the galaxy holds in store for the both of them. She doesn’t even feel like her brain is working anymore, feeling almost as drained as she was after all the fighting on Exegol was over. 

They’re in his room, mulling over why people need to even talk about their futures - they’re adults for Force sake, not children. They haven’t been children in quite some time. 

There’s a pause between the two of them and with his back against the headboard of his bed, Poe turns to her and asks, “What did you see yourself doing after the war?” 

She fiddles with the fabric of her arm bands and opens her mouth to respond when Poe cuts her off. “And not the ‘I’m a Jedi and this is what I have to do’ shit. I know that you have other dreams besides the whole Jedi thing.” 

Rey looks at him and is suddenly hit with the realization of how much Poe is able to see through her; sure she knew that he knew when she was bluffing and always wasn’t afraid to call her out on it, but  _ this _ ? This is much more than she expected. 

She looks at everywhere but him when she answers. “I wanted...I wanted to explore the galaxy. To see everything that is out there, try every food available, but I also wanted to live someplace that's green, full of life. I didn’t want to be stuck someplace that had sand everywhere.” Rey scrunches up her face at the thought of being surrounded by sand again; her friends originally thought that maybe she would have settled down on Tatooine following the war but she didn’t, opting to return back to Ajan Kloss to be surrounded by her friends. She didn’t want to live with more ghosts than needed, she had enough of that already. 

“Sand, it’s coarse and rough and irritating - and it gets everywhere,” Poe laughs as he says the words, obvious that he’s reciting them from memory. 

Rey smiles lightly. “I wanted to be surrounded by love. I know that I’m surrounded by people I love here, Finn, Rose, BB-8, Chewie, you - you’re all my family - but it’s always overrun with First Order remnants and us having to be everywhere.” She feels oddly emotional now, ready for tears to spill out of her eyes. “I can’t be with you all and spend time with you without worrying about something going.” 

Poe’s silent but she knows he’s listening. She knows he understands the feeling. Something inside her just prompts her to keep going, words spilling out of her mouth and feeling foreign to her, despite the words being thoughts she has constantly. “I wanted to build a family. I wanted to have kids, even though I’m bloody terrified that I’d never be a good mother. I thought though, if the kids could have someone like you as a parent I think that would be enough. They’d be alright in the end.” 

_ But I can’t have that. Not with the future of the Jedi looming over me  _ is what she doesn’t say aloud and she doesn’t want to dampen the mood with talk of their actual futures. They had enough of that for one day. 

Rey takes a breath and looks over at Poe to see him looking at her with shock. “What?” 

He blinks owlishly and it’s almost comical, if only Rey knew why he was looking at her like that. “Someone like me?” he finally says. 

“Someone like you?” she repeats, not understanding where he’s coming from. 

He gives a little cough. “You said you wanted to build a family….and then you mentioned that you wanted someone like me to be the parent of your children.” 

“Huh?” Then she realizes the implication of what she just said and shame and embarrassment wash through her. She just somehow managed to expose everything she’s felt for him in a single moment, making it even harder for her to adhere to the Jedi codes. “Oh yeah, I did.” 

“What did you mean by that Rey?” 

Rey tries to calm her anxiety and panic about messing up.  _ You can do it. You can say it. Maybe you’ll say it and feel better afterwards. Maybe it’ll help you get over him.  _

“I’m in love with you,” she says and horrifyingly enough, she begins to cry. She’s not even sure why she’s crying. Maybe the day is hitting her harder than she imagined or maybe it’s just the product of her anxiety. 

“Rey,” Poe says, pulling her out of her thoughts. “I’m in love with you too.” He chuckles wetly, taking her hand and rubbing little circles into her skin. “I have been for awhile.” 

She offers back a watery smile, trying to wipe away the tears on her face. “You do?” 

“Yeah,” and they meet each other’s eyes, seeing all the tears that are running down both of their faces, and break out into a laugh. “I want everything with you,” he admits a moment later, scooting closer to her. 

“I want everything with you too,” Rey whispers back, her heart pounding tremendously against her chest and feeling a sudden burst of relief. 

Let the Jedi code be damned. She wants this, wants Poe more than anything, and he wants her too. 

Rey ends up falling into his arms afterwards, tucking her head underneath his chin, and his arms wrap around her tightly as she tightens her arms around him, making her feel secure and loved, things she didn’t think were possible after the war ending. It’s comforting to feel the rise and fall of his chest against her body, to have the person she loves so much in her arms and close to her. 

After a few moments of utter bliss, a moment she never knew she would get to have with Poe, she voices aloud the questions they both have on their mind. “What are we going to do?” 

There is the Jedi code and the government they have to worry about, both of them guaranteed to drive them both to opposite sides of the galaxy, physically or otherwise. 

He strokes her arm with her thumb, the motion grounding her and pulling her away from her fears. “We’ll figure it out. Together.” 

She nods in response and the two of them sit there, for Force knows how long, just basking in the feeling of being together before getting into a more comfortable position on Poe’s bed and drifting off into sleep. 

As her eyes get heavier and heavier, Rey knows that the future is quickly approaching, full of doubts, and dangers are going to be thrown their way but she knows as long as she has her love with her, everything will be alright in the end. 

She smiles and she clutches Poe's hand, letting his breathing lull her into sleep. 


End file.
